I’m always afraid of planes crashing.

I’ve got a list of Japanese literature related topics. How dare I, to teach japanese literature and ask for money. 

My mind is all over the places.

I could be learning something from Joyce Carol Oates or Margaret Atwood, but I’m so tired. It’s almost 9:00 am. Couldn’t sleep at all. 

I’m thinking about writing a blog. A serious one. About learning languages. The thing is I’ve gotta study first in order to write.

I’m thinking about stopping my chinese lessons. My teacher is not great so why keep paying him.

I’m also a teacher. I try to be a good one. One they want to pay. My income is low as shit so that’s why I was thinking about teaching Japanese literature or starting a blog. Teaching is not bad, but Mexico’s economy just sucks.

Anyways, I don’t really need the money. So there’s that.

I digress though. I was offered a job opportunity in China. Teaching abroad for a year. But then again I don’t have my freaking degree. And I really want to have it. I want it more than anything I’ve wanted before. My thesis has been once again rejected. Probably not as bad as it could have but nonetheless it means a step back and probably staying in Mexico for another month. It sucks. Do I really want to pursue a job in Academia? It’s painful and frustrating. 

So I’ve got to paths: go to China without a degree. Or stay and get the degree but lose the chance of teaching in China.

Why not live in China for a year? Couldn’t be that bad — been there before so I guess I’ll be alright a second time. 

Then I could come back and get the freaking degree. It’s just a paper. Money is paper as well. 

Going to China would mean flying for 16 hours to arrive at a horrible place I want to be at. Not going would mean staying at a horrible place I don’t mind being at.

Aaah, decisions. Well it’s fine. The year is about to end. I should learn to let go, whether it’s a degree or China. One thing will be lost. Maybe it won’t be the later.

Updates in two months.