Las vacas.

I'm obsessed with this song. I can't stop listening to it and I don't really know why. it's been a while since I had my heart broken, like, for real... a really, really long while. Actually, this has been a year of many realizations. I think you can have your heart broken in many ways and by different types of people, not only your 恋人 per se. However, to have your heart broken because you love someone is still something strange for me. I remember when it happened, I thought it was the most painful thing ever and to be honest, it is still in the top three most awful moments in my life. Despite being a teenager, I will use the words James Thurnber wrote in a letter to his college best friend to describe how it felt:

"I don’t know what it is, or was to begin with, but there was the same sensation after eleven years [...] I  felt an ache and an urge in my heart too old for my years, but too eternal and atavistically strong ever to be classed as “puppy love” or any other thing."

Back then I thought I knew a secret not many people have access to, at least not until their twenties or thirties. It was 2000 something. Have I felt the same exact way after that? Not really. I think some feelings are so big they take up lots of space inside of us and it might take some days (or years) to completely recover. 

That doesn't mean I was mad at love (well, maybe for a while I was, but it was only fair to feel that way). I  actually met really nice people along the way, I'm not completely sure why our paths crossed at all, but I'm glad they did, and, despite not being really in touch nowadays, my heart is warm knowing there will always be time and space for love (new loves, just-as-good loves), even after all that happened.

And now I think about songs like this one, which perfectly describe the sadness of forgetting and being forgotten. I remember I was terribly afraid of that. Will you forget? Will you forget me? And how will my existence keep going on, if you don't know im here, if you don't care if I'm here or there, if your heart feels what it felt for me for someone else? Is not that those questions don't matter anymore, I think a part of us will forever remember. Our bodies have memories beyond the ones our hearts or minds can comprehend. Something in the skin, maybe the teeth will remember... But still, "there are many types of love, but never the same kind of love twice."

So we must always keep in mind that the love we had was our love, and nothing, literally nothing, will replace that. And as much as it hurts or as painful and it could feel it's going to be perfectly fine, we are gonna be perfectly fine. We will finally understand that, despite what we believed, a broken heart is not a sign that we lost something, or someone, but that we won. We won so much, we were lucky enough to have won the prettiest thing in the world.